Sunday, July 29, 2012

Hope Through Brokenness: "The Night" (Track 3)

Hope Through Brokenness: “The Night” (Track 3)
Blog Post by Kurt Scobie
July 29, 2012

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” -Plato

I wrote “The Night” a few years ago after I learned that the idea of divorce was lingering in the life of someone I knew. Marriage is hard. And this couple had much to overcome. When I heard that there was a period of separation (with kids involved), I knew that this “crash” would leave a mark.

Can you breathe?
Can you move?
Can you see how many fingers I’m holding up?
The baby’s fine
Hold my hands
And blink twice if you understand

We are all wrecked. We’re battered. Broken. Beaten. After the impact, all we can do is ask “Am I alive?” “Am I ok?” The world moves on, it seems, and we’re just... in shock. All we can do is sit. And stare.

It happened fast
When you crashed
The other driver walked away without a scratch
And no one spoke
And faces cried
With tears that come from deeper than eyes

The song “Breakeven” by The Script says “when a heart breaks, no it don’t break even”. When we’re broken, all we can see is our own brokenness. Everyone else is fine. The guy in the other car walked off the scene untouched and all we can think to do is cry.

And your mama prayed
And your daddy’s heart stopped beating

And all anyone else can do is pray. And cry. And hurt for you. All of which seems to be pointless. But... it’s not. What else can be done?

And this is the night
You’ll never forget for the rest of your time
And it hurts right now
And it’s not just your life you saw flash before your eyes
And tonight’s the night you died
And you came back to life

For me and my wife, September 8th (and the 6th) will always be a day we “never forget for the rest of our time”. When we went in for the gender ultrasound on September 6th, 2011, we had no idea that our lives were about to change, forever. We were blindsided when the ultrasound revealed that our little girl had no heartbeat. And now “Bella Day” will be every year on her birthday (September 8th) in the Scobie household. The pain we feel isn’t near as strong as those first few months, but the emotional scars we have from going through the loss of our baby will always be there.

These crashes in life bring about a new normal. A part of us dies. A different life is born.

You were out of bed
And off your crutch
When I came by to see how you were holding up
And days turned years
Almost forgot
Your need to heal from the inside out

This is the long stretch. The part we rarely talk about. We love to tell/hear stories about the big moments of failures and the big successes. But what about the in-between space? What about those weeks or months or years of “blah” between the time you fall and the time you’re back at full speed? Those parts usually get paraphrased or skimmed over in stories. But, those “boring parts” are where true growth happens. Healing takes time.

By the way, most of the people who said “Oh my gosh, I am SO sorry” on your Facebook post do not remember, years later, that you even went through such a hard time. True friends continue to check in on you through those “blah” times.

And you are almost strong
Wounds become scars and the weakness is gone


This is the night
You’ll never forget for the rest of your time
And it hurts sometimes
But everyone’s talking about how you survived
And tonight’s the night
You died and you came back to life

By the grace of God, the couple I mentioned earlier were reunited and their marriage was saved. My wife and I have seen renewal in our journey as well. But those moments, “the night” we died and came back to life, we will carry with us forever.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Hope Through Brokenness: "The Ride" (Track 2)

Hope Through Brokenness: “The Ride” (Track 2)
Blog Post by Kurt Scobie
July 25, 2012

“If we wait for the moment when everything, absolutely everything, is ready, we shall never begin." - Ivan Turgenev

“Do not wait until the conditions are perfect to begin. Beginning makes the conditions perfect.” -Alan Cohen

Track 2, “The Ride”! I am publishing this a few days later than planned, but it has been quite a “ride” lately. It was a matter of minutes after I posted the first blog in this series (“The Wake”) that I received a call from my mom. When I saw her name come up on the caller ID... I knew. My grandpa, who had taken a fall nine weeks earlier, had passed away. This was my dad’s dad, and the first of my grandparents to pass. So, my wife and I headed up to Michigan for the funeral, and we have been trying to get caught up after being out of pocket for a few days.

This is life, right? Our plans get thwarted. Our friends move on. Our loved ones say goodbye. Life happens.

“The Ride” is about that.

I am done
Waiting for the clock to tell me when
Waiting for the right time to begin
This mess I’ve made will be a mountain where I stand

I am all about preparation and timing. But, for me, the best education has been just to go for it. Failing means learning. And sooner or later, those failures (lessons learned) pile up enough to give you a firm footing.

You’re never gonna stifle this persistence
You’re never gonna stop me with your friction
Every move I make I make in the one who puts this all in motion

“The One”, by the way, is Jesus Christ. He is my source.

I am living for more than the end
I’m not waiting for all of the answers
before I begin

Life really is short. In his song “Better Than Me” my friend Mike Kinnebrew says “Thirty years they just took to flight. Time just pulled me like a train.” That train pulls us faster and faster every year. We get so wrapped up in our goals and just getting through the day, that we forget to pause and simply take in this gift we call life. I am all about goals and reaching finish lines, believe me. But this race, this journey, has MUCH for us to take in, in every moment! That line between point A and point B is an exciting, hilly, bumpy, peaceful, happy, rocky, frustrating, smooth, sad, unbelievable ride. Ride!

Finally my eyes have vision
This open heart has a mission
Step by step by step
I follow the unstoppable leader of the hopeful broken

Throughout the process of writing, tweaking, recording, and releasing these songs I discovered even more how much every person on this planet has brokenness. I have heard nonstop story after story from friends, family, complete strangers, and random fans who have been through hell. Job losses, divorces, deaths, and broken hearts abound. I have also heard stories of people a few years removed from those same hard times. They have clarity. They are stronger. The wind was knocked out of them, and they had to start over. They had to be carried, then they crawled, then walked. Step by step by step by step by step...

This life it pulls
The ride it rises and it falls
Beyond our dreams when we were small
When we were fearless, before we lost it all

It’s sad to think that when these storms come, our “new normal”  becomes a life with a little less innocence. I can think of no other time in my life when I felt more defeated and broken, as when my wife and I went through the loss of our daughter, Bella. We got robbed. That’s not the way things are supposed to be. Fearless will never again be an approach we take when it comes to having children.

That seems like a pretty downer statement. But this is our reality. This is life. This is our ride.

Now, I believe that we will have better days of hope and happiness. I believe that these waters will calm down. I believe that we will be fearless in other areas. But, I am learning to accept the bad along with the good. The dying with the living. Complete hope, while completely broken.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Hope Through Brokenness: “The Wake” (Track 1)

Hope Through Brokenness: “The Wake” (Track 1)
Blog Post by Kurt Scobie
July 15, 2012

Thanks for reading! I am hoping that this series of blogs helps you (and me) better understand the songs on my new project, “The Hopeful Broken”. With each of these blogs I’ll be dissecting the lyrics, and elaborating on the ideas expressed in the songs.

So, here we go. Track 1. “The Wake

Wake up
We’re getting out of this place
I’m breaking you out of these chains
You’re no slave
You are an heir to a throne not a grave

Somewhere along the way, whether by choice or by force, we all have fallen into a pattern of numbness that calls for a rescuer. Usually without realizing, we end up chained to our habits or hurts and we buy into a lie. “You are a failure”. “You are poor”. “Death owns you”. “You are a slave”. And we cannot come out of this on our own. We need help. We need someone to break the chains for us. We need the voice of one who is awake to tell us the truth. To bring us back.

Stand up
Wipe off the dirt from your crown
I’ll carry you I’ll take you out
Don’t be afraid
I know the way out
I know the way

But, trust is hard. For the oppressed and imprisoned, even harder. We have been trained to believe that we are all on our own. That the only way to get anything or anywhere in life is to do it alone. The “independent woman” and the “self-made man” are our models. Complete trust in someone else to save us, is near impossible. And how are we to know this “savior” can really help us? How are we to know that his heart is good? What if she fails me? Do they know the way?

But, if we choose not to trust, is there any hope of freedom? Trusting in our own way has lead us to chains. Should we trust ourselves... to save ourselves?

Free now
I am breaking you out
Don’t look down
Come, leave this hell

Freedom. It must first be declared. Then claimed. This is the power of hope. Not “well, I hope so” hope, but TRUE hope. True hope makes a way for freedom.

Eyes wide
This is where you come alive
This is where it all turns around
There’s no shame
Whatever the ransom
It has been paid

And coming awake is just the start. Breaking free is the beginning. There is a genuine excitement when the chains of a bad habit or an addiction is broken. Wide-eyed and alive is the only way to approach each day when we realize that we are FREE. Our debt is paid. Shame is gone.

Free now
I am breaking you out
Don’t look down
Come, leave this hell

Free now
Come awake and be found
Run unbound
Come, leave this hell

“The Wake” was originally written for those affected by human trafficking. But, as these ideas grew in my head I began to recognize that this theme of ‘freedom from slavery’ is bigger than the sex-trade industry. It’s bigger than the problems of addiction and trying to kick a bad habit. I have found that this idea strikes a chord in each one of us. We all need saving. We all, in one way or another, need something that we cannot attain on our own. We all need a rescuer, a helper, a friend, to bring us to freedom.